Attnetoin E-mial Fowraders: Go to Hlel
We've all gotten the e-mail forward that reads in part like this:
Well, you know how the oil companies are actually keeping secret the super technology that will allow us to run our cars on free oxygen? They're doing it for a reason: To stay in business.
It's in this spirit that, as a copy editor, I ask you, beg you: STOP CIRCULATING THE DAMN WORD-SCRAMBLE E-MAIL. Listen, folks, our job is to fix screwed-up words. If the world suddenly stops caring about screwed-up words, copy editors are toast. Most folks already don't care about grammar and spelling as it is, but if everybody finds out that some super-genius Cambridge researcher says they should care even less about proper written English, then it'll just be a matter of time before Derek, James and I are selling hot dogs in Pershing Square. And James is a vegetarian for Chrissakes!
So, I beseech you, stop with the word-scramble e-mails. I don't endanger your livelihood, so please don't endanger mine.
On the other hand, I do have leads on some hot investment deals involving Nigerian royalty ...
Accodring to a raseerch at Cbmaridge Unviersity, it dseon't matetr in waht oredr the letters in a wrod are. The olny impoatrnt tnihg is taht the fsrit and lsat lteter be in the rgiht plcae.
Well, you know how the oil companies are actually keeping secret the super technology that will allow us to run our cars on free oxygen? They're doing it for a reason: To stay in business.
It's in this spirit that, as a copy editor, I ask you, beg you: STOP CIRCULATING THE DAMN WORD-SCRAMBLE E-MAIL. Listen, folks, our job is to fix screwed-up words. If the world suddenly stops caring about screwed-up words, copy editors are toast. Most folks already don't care about grammar and spelling as it is, but if everybody finds out that some super-genius Cambridge researcher says they should care even less about proper written English, then it'll just be a matter of time before Derek, James and I are selling hot dogs in Pershing Square. And James is a vegetarian for Chrissakes!
So, I beseech you, stop with the word-scramble e-mails. I don't endanger your livelihood, so please don't endanger mine.
On the other hand, I do have leads on some hot investment deals involving Nigerian royalty ...
posted by The Narrator at 10:25 AM
7 Comments:
FEDERAL MINISTRY OF WORKS AND HOUSING
OBALENDE-IKOYI LAGOS.
FROM: ENGR.MUSA NAABBA,
ASSISTANCE REQUIRED FOR TRANSFER OF US$25M AND ACQUISITION OF PROPERTIES
(REAL ESTATES)
Dear sir
I am making this contact with you on behalf of my colleagues. I am a
member of the TENDER BOARD COMMITTEE of the Federal Ministry of Works and
Housing of Lagos Nigeria. Our duties includes: award, evaluation and review
of contracts. In 1996, my committee (TBC) awarded a contract of US$150,000,000
(One Hundred and Fifty Million United States Dollars only) to a joint venture
of SPEIBATIGNOLES and FOUGEROLLE, for an engineering, procurement, construction of pipeline network a Eleme Petro-Chemical plant. As it were, the acuta
contract sum was deliberately over-invoiced by us (TBC) with the sum of
US$25,000,000.00 (TWENTY-FIVE MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS ONLY).
The project was executed, commissioned and the contractor(s) paid accordingly.
My colleagues and I want to transfer the over-invoiced amount into a viable
foreign account. We have therefore resolved that as long as you can act
as the sole beneficiary of the fund. The following will be the mode of sharing:
25% (i.e US$6.25M) for beneficiary i.e. owner of account, 10% for expenses
incurred during the course of transfer, and 65% for us the officials. Let
me reiterate at this juncture, that there are top and influential government
officials involved in this transfer and as such I would appreciate it, if
this business is treated with utmost confidentiality.
I do hope I can trust you as regards this matter. In the light of this,
I would like you to forward to me the following information:
1. Your company name and address if any
2. Your personal fax number
3. Your personal telephone number for easy communication. This will enable
us to forward the information to the Corporation for purposes of processing
and immediate remittance of this funds to the account that will be provided
by you. All modalities have been worked out and the necessary machinery
put in place with the officials of the Federal Ministry of Finance and the
Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) to effect this transfer within the shortest
possible time. It is worthy to note that this transaction is 100% risk free,
my only fear is the confidentiality of this business from your end.
It is pertinent to note that only an expatriate firm can lay claim to
this fund. We are barred from operating foreign accounts as civil servants
still serving the government. As soon as the payment is effected, and the
amount mentioned above is successfully transferred into your account, we
intend to use own share in acquiring some properties (Real Estates) Abroad.
For this too, you shall also serve as our agent. Please send your reply
through this my I shall send you my fax number as we progress.
Note that this E-mail is not one of those Internet jokes and should
be treated with seriousness, utmost important and confidentiality. Your
quick response will be highly appreciated. If however, you are not disposed
to assist, kindly destroy this letter, in view of the confidentiality of
the proposed transaction and for the interest of the personalities involved.
Yours faithfully,
MUSA NAABBA
From . Mr. Simon Robson.
Kindest Attention:
My name is Mr. Simon Robson. I am from Portugal . I have been diagnosed
with Esophageal cancer. It has defiled all forms of medical treatment, and
right now I have only about a few months to live, according to medical
experts. I have not particularly lived my life so well, as I never really
cared for anyone (not even myself)but my business. Though I am very rich, I
was never generous, I was always hostile to people and only focused on my
business as that was the only thing I cared for. But now I regret all this
as I now know that there is more to life than just wanting to have or make
all the money in the world. I believe when God gives me a second chance to
come to this world I would live my life a different way from how I have
lived it.
Now that God has called me, I have willed and given most of my property and
assets to my immediate and extended family members as well as few close
friends .I want God to be merciful to me and accept my soul so, I have
decided to give alms to charity organizations and those in Need, as I want
this to be one of the last good deeds I do on earth. So far, I have
Distributed money to some charity organizations when I was well. Now that my
health has deteriorated so badly, I cannot do this myself anymore. I once
asked members of my family to close one of my accounts and distribute the
money which I have there to charity organization in United States, Asia,
Middle East & Europe, they refused and kept the money to themselves.
Hence, I do not trust them anymore, as they seem not to be contended with
what I have left for them. The last of my money which no one knows of is the
huge cash deposit of Twenty Million United States Dollars ($20, 000, 000.00)
that I have with an Asset Management / Vaulting Company Abroad. I will want
you to help me collect this deposit and dispatch it to charity organizations
and use it to help those in Need.
N/B:Kindly note that 40% of this funds must go to victims of Tsunami,
Hurricane Katrina , Hurricane Wilma and South Asia Earthquake , 55% to other
Charity Organizations around the World and 5% for your effort and time.
I cannot talk with you on the phone due to my health situation, as I am
using my Lap Top Computer to communicate with you. You should respond to
this e-mail if you are interested in carrying out this assignment on my
behalf.
God be with you.
Mr. Simon Robson.
MR.ALEX OPUTA
LAGOS-NIGERIA WEST AFRICA
DEAR FRIEND,
I AM A DIRECTOR OF THE CONTRACT SECTION OF THE NIGERIAN
TRANSPORT AND AVIATION HEADQUARTERS IN LAGOS, NIGERIA, WEST AFRICA.
I WRITE BASED ON A RECOMMENDATION FROM A RELIABLE SOURCE. BY VIRTUE OF MY POSITION
IN THE MINISTRY, MYSELF AND SOME OF MY COLLEAGUES ARE BENEFICIARIES OF FUNDS IN THE
SUM OF $25,000,000.00 (TWENTY FIVE MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS).
THIS AMOUNT IS PRESENTLY AWAITING OFFSHORE REMITTANCE INTO FOREIGN ACCOUNT SINCE
IT COULD NOT BE PAID HERE DUE TO RESTRICTIONS IMPOSED ON CIVIL SERVANTS REGARDING
OWNERSHIP OF FOREIGN ACCOUNT.
THIS AMOUNT IN QUESTION ($25,000,000.00) RESULTED FROM OVER INVOICED BILLS FROM
CONTRACT EXECUTED BY A FOREIGN FIRM IN MY MINISTRY TO THE TUNE OF$59,000,000.00
(FIFTY NINE MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS).
THIS PROJECT HAS BEEN COMPLETED AND THE ORIGINAL CONTRACTOR HAS RECEIVED THE
$34,000,000.00(THIRTY FOUR MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS) DUE TO HIM, WHILE
$25,000,000.00(TWENTY FIVE MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS) OVER INVOICED SURPLUS
IS NOW FLOATING IN A SUSPENSE ACCOUNT.
IT IS AGAINST THIS BACKDROP THAT I SEEK YOUR COOPERATION IN ACCOMODATING THIS FUND
IN YOUR CUSTODY.FOR YOUR PART IN HELPING US, MY COLLEAGUES AND I PROPOSE 20% OF THE
TOTAL SUM TO YOU, 70% FOR OURSELVES AND 10% FOR MISCELLANEOUS EXPENSES ON BOTH
SIDES LIKE TELEPHONE AND FAX BILLS.
I ASSURE YOU THAT WE HAVE DONE OUR HOME WORK VERY WELL IN OTHER TO MAKE THIS DEAL
100% RISK FREE. IF YOU ARE
INTERESTED IN THIS SAFE DEAL, PLEASE CONTACT ME AT ONCE
THROUGH E-MAIL.
THIS TRANSACTION IS EXPECTED TO BE COMPLETED UNDER FIVE
WORKING DAYS WITH YOUR COOPERATION AS ARRANGEMENTS WITH THE MINISTERIAL DEPARTMENT
IN CHARGE OF THE TRANSFERENCE HAS BEEN CONCLUDED, IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTION, PLEASE
DO NOT HESITATE TO CONTACT ME.
YOURS FAITHFULLY,
MR.ALEX OPUTA
Dude, are you trying to horn in on my scam or something?
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